Confession from a Recovering Fixer

“Maturity is a matter of being able to impose discipline over your impulses and being aware of how your behavior affects others.” 

John W. Alston

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I recently learned the most powerful lesson of my life so far. I was in a relationship with someone I thought was the “one.” It was this soulmate “for real”  that provided me with so many gifts I may not have gotten without having my heart broken.

The truth is they are perfect, created in the image and likeness of God. I kept my eyes on that truth and ignored some red flags along the way. Part of it was my thinking I could heal them. If I could just stay focused on the Truth, God could use my vibratory field to help them remember the truth of their being. Mistake, not my job! I was also there to grow and perfect my loving but the intention was not reciprocal. Ultimately, it ended.

Hindsight is 20/20! As Dr. Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are believe them. They know themselves better than you do.” I laugh at myself for not believing even when they told me things point blank. As John W. Alston said, we have to be “able to impose discipline” over our impulses…the impulse to fix and the impulse to ignore things people say. I can only imagine how that made them feel.

It is my intention to listen more intently. I have taken time to review Karen Mills-Alston’s book Ten Principles for a Life Worth Living, specifically How to Listen from the Very Depth of Your Soul. I will say from start to finish, I stayed in my practice, listening intently during meditation. However, I ignored that still small voice which is never a good plan!

I learned that I am worthy of my own love and self-care. I am taking care of my body temple and continue to be steeped in my spiritual practice. I am saying yes to projects I have been putting off and my heart…broken open holds more love than I ever imagined. I love them unconditionally even in the letting go of what I hoped would be. I pray for them, for their family and for everyone they love. I decree everything they touch prospers. I affirm that happiness is the order of their days. Peace envelopes them always and in all ways. As God is limitless, the causes of their happiness are infinite. They are safe and healthy. God is Love and only love is Real. I am grateful for every moment we shared. I see only peace between us. 

Affirmation

I choose to listen from a soul level and pay attention to the still small voice. I am willing to love myself and others unconditionally. I pray for those who I perceive have hurt me. I take responsibility for my part in all my relationships. I surrender it all to Spirit again and again. Thy will be done.

- Debora Varn